I went to walmart today to get some groceiries and realized that I feel so powerful. Since I began my WOE I have purposefully gone by the candy and cookie aisles. I think it’s been to test myself and also get myself used to seeing things like that and not let them control me. At first it was hard but as time has gone by it has gotten easier. Today I realized that I was going by them and not thinking oh, I want that cookie or candy. I just go by them and not even pay attention to what’s there. Something that has been controlling me for 17 yrs no longer has a hold of me! I hope that it stays that way!
While I was out I decided to visit my sister Sally at the warehouse and bring her a monster java. I love to scare her so I sneaked up and scared her bad! She enjoys it…I think, lol. She told me I’m looking spiffy and I replied I do spiffy now. When I was weighing 300+ pounds I basically hated myself. I hardly ever dressed up or put on makeup. Yes, I hated myself. I have lost 26 lbs. and it has really changed my outlook. I never would have thought that it would take such a little amount lost to make me feel better about myself.
My husband and I still talk to each other and when I go to see my grandson I see him also. I don’t want to analyse it and see if he is still controlling me. I know I stand up for myself and don’t let himgo rule me but I don’t know if staying in contact with him is a form of controlling. Anyway, my whole point to this is that I talked to him yesterday and told him how good I was doing with my weight loss. He got quiet for a few seconds and then said that’s good. That immediately set me to thinking about how I would always be seeking his approvale and never receiving it. The only time I got compliments from him was when someone told him good things about me and he would tell me about it. He agreed with them then but then later on he was putting me down for various things. He finally told me one time that he would get jealous of me and the things I could do and he was feeling this when I told him about my weightloss. I didn’t let it get to me but it did confirm once again that we really aren’t good together. I can’t help it if I’m good at certain things! haha
I’ve reached my goal weight that I had for Christmas so now anything is just icing on the cake. I had a big whoosh of 3.5 lbs. this week! The only things different is that I am eating flax and coconut oil. I don’t know if they contributed to it or if I was just due a big whoosh. Either way I’m happy!